[TUT] Guide to the Perfect Roast - YayHar - Jul 22, 2016
How to Roast
Welcome
Do you have somebody who is pissing you
off so you decide "ima roast this boy" ?
If you're like most members, you do not
know how to roast.You need the skill set
to take on the big dogs and to face life
head on and not be a lil bitch
What You'll Learn
You will learn how to roast
anybody who decides to fuck
with you, and how to recover
if you're losing a roast battle.
Beginning
Hand Motion
This is the deciding factor in every
roast to ever exist. This one hand
motion will prove your points or
make you look like an idiot.
There is no way to explain it, it
just comes naturally.
![[Image: 9DA0BB017E1297710635530211328_4961ef15d3...tTlujc2EeA]](https://v.cdn.vine.co/r/avatars/9DA0BB017E1297710635530211328_4961ef15d33.5.1.jpg?versionId=SL7Q7b4Q4UhmrROUw9aFZYtTlujc2EeA)
Words
You have to follow this script before
you can even think about starting to
roast your opponent.
"BOOOOOY, I FINNA COOK YOU NOW"
By saying "Boy" in an elongated matter, you
enter your opponents brain at a level of "what"
that is beyond human comprehension. The volume
of the word and and the shear confidence in your
voice will make your opponent question he/she's
validity, and possibly make them cry.
The term "I finna cook you now" is a bit
tricky, so let me break it down for you:
The first part of the sentence:
"I finna" lets the audience around you
know that you are about to do something,
and the confidence and volume in your voice
will imply that it will not be very kind.
The next part "cook you now" is a play on
words meaning "I will roast you now"
The word "cook" is latin for "roast"
obviously.
Time to Roast
Shoes
The first thing you should always roast
is your opponents foot apparel as he
or she is self conscious as foot coverings are
a big part of the roasting lifestyle and culture.
Example Roasts:
1. FUCK OUTTA HERE WIT YO DOLLAR GENERAL LOOKIN SHOES
2. GO HOME WIT CHO KRUSTY THE CLOWN SHOES
3. YOU GOT THEM SOCCER MOM SHOES
4. those are converse
5. FUCKING UGLY ASS WALMART WASH CLOTH SHOES
Hair / Hairline
The hair is one of the most fragile
parts of human anatomy to roast.
The way the hair is cut, and styled will
decide either it's safe to go after.
Example Roasts:
1. BOY U GOT THAT SCHOOL SHOOTER HAIR CUT
2. COMB OVER? 6 MILLION-1 KD... HITLER HAIRCUT
3. GO HOME WIT CHO "may i take ur order" FUCKING HAIR
4. HOW COME YA HAIRLINE LOOKS LIKE THE NIKES LOGO?
5. HAIR LOOKIN LIKE YA MOMMAS PUFF
Weight
A person weight, no matter
if they are skinny or fat, they
will always be vulnerable to the
weight roast.
Example Roasts:
1. YA TITTIES BIGGER THAN MOST GIRLS HERE
2. YOU WALK AND YOU CLAP... THATS ALL THE APPLAUSE U GONNA GET
3. YOUR STRETCHMARKS SPELL OUT "DIET"
4. YOU ONLY WANTED TO START BEEF CUZ U THOUGHT U COULD EAT IT
5. GODZILLAAAAAA
Rebuttal
Confusion
Act confused as if the roast that
just left his/her mouth did not make
any sense whatsoever.
As long as you look like this girl:
[img]http://cdn.niketalk.com/c/c2/350x700px-LL-c255e7df_Screen-shot-2014-06-30-at-9.45.06-AM-604x380.png[/img]
You're set for the next step.
Reversal
You always have to reverse the roast
in order for you to assert dominance
in the scenario.
Most common reversals consist of
"atleast I don't..."
"then how come..."
"you said... but you do...."
"how u gonna tell me..."
At the end finish them off
with a roast within the same genre
and type of roast they fired at you.
Example:
Person: boy u need to eat a burger
You: how u gonna tell me to eat a burger when
u lookin like the stay puft marshmallow mans
retarded cousin you fat ass d cup "i gotta wear
a sports bra" having ass bitch
Conclusion
Congratulations
You just tore somebody a new asshole.
They won't ever mess with you again!
or they'll beat u up in the back of a walgreens
Have fun with this new found knowledge and
remember, with great roasts, comes
great responsibility.
* - TheChiеf - Jul 22, 2016
Posting here to reserve this first post to post later.
* - DARPA - Jul 22, 2016
I just don't think if someone attacked my $300 basketball shoes I would feel "roasted". If I was wearing my cheap $12 sandals I would prolly be upset, but basically my basketball shoes are like titanium alloy armour with magical powers and shit.
* - SIM-2223238 - Jul 22, 2016
This has been certified by Aggron the self proclaimed pro roaster.
* - Desolate Night - Jul 22, 2016
Posting here to reserve this 6th post for later..
Nice genuine idea.
* - bzrΚ - Jul 22, 2016
Thanks you just saved me $2 from buying a fresh roast from that sticky.
* - ytsu12 - Jul 22, 2016
Guide to the perfect roast if you're in 7th grade.
Your examples was you going as hard as you could.
Shit-tier roast.
* - YayHar - Jul 22, 2016
(Jul 22, 2016 03:29 AM)ytsu12 Wrote: Guide to the perfect roast if you're in 7th grade.
Your examples was you going as hard as you could.
Shit-tier roast.
You sure flamed me good.
* - LilDurk - Jul 22, 2016
Posting here to reserve this number of post for the future.
Nice tutorial brother,,,,
* - YayHar - Jul 22, 2016
(Jul 22, 2016 02:50 AM)Aggron Wrote: This has been certified by Aggron the self proclaimed pro roaster.
Thanks dad.
* - YayHar - Jul 28, 2016
This method is still up for grabs, PM me for a vouch copy or a reduced value version for reviews.
* - onlyone99 - Jul 28, 2016
And where did you get your 'roasting' degree from?
* - ᴼʷᶫˢ - Jul 28, 2016
Wow, this thread is fire. Vouch 10/10.
* - Melancholy. - Jul 28, 2016
Miss leading title. I thought I was about to learn how to cook a nice chicken.
* - SIM-2212192 - Jul 28, 2016
boiiiiii
I finna cook u now
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