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+---- Thread: Loosing best friends and emotional rollercoaster (/showthread.php?tid=6225152)
Loosing best friends and emotional rollercoaster - Hulk - Oct 19, 2022
Hey.
If you have time, to read through my rollercoaster and leave a reply, it will mean a lot to me.
I never had many friends, especially not best friends. To make it easier, I'll use fake names for this story. Me, Jack, John and Olivia are best friends, very close to each other for about 5 years now. John and Olivia are together, and they live about 1 hour away from me and Jack. Me and Jack are very close friends back from school and we see each other daily, coffee, smoking, supporting each other when we have problems etc. Me and Jack visit John and Olivia as much as possible, at least once per month, would most likely be very more often, but they work weekends as well and it's just not possible, because we usually go there Friday-Sunday not just for a fast visit. We never had an argument, never disagreed on something, we were just perfect friends to be honest.
Last year, August, Olivia invited her friend Emma (which she met through John years back) to a small private party, just us. Emma and Olivia were best friends, but we never together, they were going out by themselves, never really understood why until now, which I will explain later in this story. Emma moved to the same building I live 2 months before I knew who she was. She was cool, friendly, fun, different, also smoked so I invited her to smoke with me in the spot behind our building.
Me and Emma started smoking, it was fun, at first 2-3 per week, then every day. One day, she said if she could invite her sister Linda (they live together) in the back so she could try weed for the first time. I said yes, no problem and so she came every day as well. Now it was me, Emma and Linda. I talked many times with Jack about it and invited him a lot of times, but he didn't want to smoke so he didn't want to be there as well. One time he said yes, smoked with us and had a great time.
This is how 2nd relationship group started - me, Jack, Emma and Linda. We were having a great time, do activities together, movies, food, rivers, drinking, party and all. This was all just friend thing, nothing more. I have to admit that maybe I was feeling something towards Emma, but nothing seriously, she also has, then had and again has a boyfriend that she loves a lot, so I never really thought about anything. Me and Jack and the more and more often Emma and Linda went to visit John and Olivia many times. It was fun and all, but it was never the same again, no same talks, not even close to being what it was when it was just me, Jack, John and Olivia. But it was fun indeed.
This year, August. Me, Jack, Emma and Linda went on a trip together to a river, some sunbathing, some swimming and a lot of cocktails. Me and Emma fell asleep for about 1-2 hours and then we woke up seeing Jack and Linda holding hands together and sunbathing now 10m away from us (they moved so they could be alone). This was a big shock to me and Emma and we laughed and talked about it and it was fun. I personally was very happy for Jack.
This is when it all started to go to shit. This was first girlfriend for Jack. Me and Emma knew they are "together" even though they said they are not. Very often, not all four of us were together in our spot. Each time we were all together, it was ok, but Jack and Linda were quieter than before, it was awkward. If Emma was not there, they wouldn't even talk, so I started to go home early and live them alone and I could hear from my window that they started talking and laughing, having a great time.
At this point, our daily hanging out with Jack was non-existent. I got to see him (privately) after 2 weeks for a quick coffee. In these two weeks, he had excuses and lies to not meet with me. One day, he needed to drive her mother to hospital, yet when I went out to buy some stuff, there they were together in our spot. I never understood why lie if you can just tell me, it's not like I would be against it, the thing that hurt me was his lies.
Before I continue with story, I have to say something about me first. I handle changes and personal stuff extremely poorly. Two times before this, I had to seek professional help to get me through bad times. I can accept changes, but slowly and painfully especially if they effect my relationships with others or break some routine with friends that I like and enjoy spending time with.
Now let's continue the story. I was hurt by what Jack started doing to me. I fell back in painful days, remembering old stuff, depression, thinking about life, future, how living sucks, have to work to live, loosing friends soon etc. everything, my head was filled up to top. I went to seek professional help again, got Xanax, but this time, professional help didn't really help me, I took it in my own hands and as long as I was on Xanax, it was good, when I was not, it was just worst feelings in my life.
Now, after all this happening to me (which I didn't want to say to others, especially not Jack so I don't hurt him, because I saw how happy he was) something was going on between Olivia and Emma. Emma and John had some problems like 10 years ago and it looks like Emma still has a feeling that John dislikes her and never wanted to be good friends again and only talks to her and invites her because of Olivia.
One day, John and Olivia invited us for weekend at their house. Emma and Linda didn't have time, so John said that if me and Jack have free time, we can come alone. Emma took this personally for some reason, she started arguing with Olivia about John, Olivia was protecting John and after 5 days of forth and back arguments, with me trying to calm everything down and be in the middle of it, talking to both John, Olivia and Emma, hell broke loose. Mean messages and block from Emma is what John and Olivia got after 10+ years of friendship.
Me, John, Olivia and Emma never told Jack and Linda about this, they are younger (Jack is 23 and Linda is 18) so we let them be how they are, so they don't feel pressured by anything. However, Jack found out, because Emma left the group chat we all had and he started asking me questions. I told him everything since it wasn't so big of a deal and wouldn't hurt things that much.
2 days later, it started to feel that me and Jack are in the middle of 2 and 2 friends and we had to choose. I personally didn't want to, but I did decrease time spent with Emma and Linda and was together much more with John and Olivia. Jack continued to have a thing with Linda and didn't even talk about problems when John and Olivia were hurt about it all.
Suddenly, Jack contacted us if me, him and Linda can come to them and he got a no for an answer. Emma and Olivia are very close to each other, I know they are sisters, but their bond is incredible. Jack wasn't who he is, so things broke. Now it was me, John and Olivia and the second group was Jack, Emma and Linda.
Not too long after, Jack called me crying and asking if we can meet. At this point, I already spent 2 weeks of taking Xanax, not sleeping, puking, not eating because of all that was going on, because I felt bad for everything and just couldn't take it. I said yes. He was asking if we can be the same friends as we were, that he feels sorry and lots of talking. Personally, I wasn't feeling it at that time. I was hurt, mostly because I never expected such behavior towards friends from Jack, like were didn't exist anymore so I told him that we can go out to coffee sometimes and stuff like that, but we will never be friends like we were after all this, but we could build up friendship slowly again.
2 days later, Linda broke up with Jack. Then Jack was in a bad mood, we went out more often, I talked to him, make him feel better. 2 days later, Linda wants to go back, now Jack didn't want to have thing with her anymore.
After constant rejections from Jack, she called him multiple times while drunk or sent him messages, she wouldn't take no for an answer, so Jack blocked Linda and Emma and moved on.
Yesterday, after some time not talking about it, Jack just started crying, lots of tears while we talked, out of nowhere. He felt bad what he did to Linda, to just put her on ignore, no face to face talking and explanation all over texts. He wants to apologize to Linda and maybe be back together.
John and Olivia found out. Me and Olivia are ok with it, I mean who are we to regulate a life that isn't ours. Me and Olivia want all the best for Jack, however John was hurt a lot by what all happened, handles it badly himself so he just wanted to make sure that he doesn't mind if they are together, but he (and of course then Olivia, they are together) will stop hanging with us.
Now, whatever I do is even worse that was happened 2 months ago when I fell in depression. Now, if I support Jack, I lose John and Olivia. If I don't support him, I have nobody to go out with here, just one or two times per month I will get to see John and Olivia.
Whatever I do, whatever happens, I am about to lose some of my best friends, and it will never be the same as it was with other best friends.
Now I'm back to Xanax and drinking, thinking about life, what will happen, how to move on, if it's even worth it and all. It just doesn't seem there is a good end to all this.
If you reached to this point, thank you for reading. I'd be happy to hear some of your opinions about this. I can't really talk about all these problems with my other friends, because it's hard for me and other friends are just not that close to me so that I feel like talking about these problems with them, so I decided to let it out online and maybe hear more opinions on this.