Put him in a plastic bag, stab at the plastic bag. Open the plastic bag, open his mouth, pour down gallons of bleach. Blame a new app. Get out of jail free.
Also, don't have to break any bones!
All goals accomplished.
Optional steps:
Throw him in the microwave/oven so the plastic melts to him.
Record it, so you can get famoose, profit, and scream "It's just a prank!" when cops show up.
However, I don't know if this is extreme enough for you. Contact me if you'd like a more extreme plan.
