[Psychedelіc]

Let me know what you think:

I drew a blank when inquiring about such a figure.
A silhouette of a chiseled jaw and broad stature, of which breaks a
certain silence by appearance. Such a haze blurred and undefined
as color has stripped itself from my vision and my weight elevated.
As whose words told not by voice but by soul,
shrieks corruption and devastation.
Snapping a vile tune within thoughts which rhythms break those of good intentions.
Invoking evil and tyranny into the mind.
I rip the curtain, to reveal not an omnipotent being, but my own reflection.
Then I awake.

[Kagai]

Let me know what you think:

Try to have less repetition, unless you want your whole poem to be based around it, and try to make the words flow a bit better, not just adding a whole new line based on "As"

[Psychedelіc]

Try to have less repetition, unless you want your whole poem to be based around it, and try to make the words flow a bit better, not just adding a whole new line based on "As"

I'm not to good at poetry when it comes to making it flow but I still understand what you're saying.

[Ragnarson]

Poetry is lets just say not one of my best subjects. Though, from a "not going to study the language point of view" I would say it is pretty good.