Jul 23, 2014 06:25 AM
(This post was last modified: Jul 23, 2014 06:26 AM by Vitani's Mate.)
Like seriously... THERE IS FUCKING SEX POSITIONS LIKE THIS?xD
But seriously.. There is some fucked up shit in this list also there is some really funny ones.
Enjoy.
Also there is more.
http://www.infohip.com/forwards/stories/dirtylist.htm
ANAL BOOT
You take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with his cock and then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or drinking game.
ANGRY DRAGON
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.
ARABIAN GOGGLES
A seldom-seen maneuver involving the testicles where the satchel is spread wide and placed on the face of the "ride", thus resting the balls in the gogglee's eye sockets.
AUSTRALIAN DEATH GRIP
The act of grabbing a woman by the haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity for wagering among friends.
BEER COCK
Occurs when your honey wants some lovin', buy you are extremely over served and cannot perform your manly duties. Used in a sentence: "I shouldn't have had that last beer. I think I'!"
THE BISMARK
Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to spew, pull out and shoot all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and jizz together.
BLOCKING THE BOX
You and your pal are double-teaming a chick. He's got her from behind; you've got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later.
THE BLUMPKIN
You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her suck you off while you're on the shitter.
THE BRONCO
Back to reality with this classic. When you fuck her doggie style, with a tit in each hand, and whisper in her ear: "Your sister likes it this way too.
CAJUN DIP STICK
Take your cock out of her pooper and mix it in the pool of dip spit in the small of her back and then insert.
CHRISTMAS TURKEY CARVER
The act of sitting carefully behind your prone partner, inserting three fingers in her vagina, one in her ass, and voraciously pluming your digits in and out, maintaining a perfect L-bend at the elbow, and using only your rotator cuff as a power pivot.
THE CIRCUS SEAL
Press the twins to one side of your sack and let them fall from the hole in your BVDs. This should produce a beach ball effect (painting your tool bag is optional). Proceed to straddle your date's face and pummel her nose with your bag of marbles. This works best when performed with a relative.
CLEVELAND STEAMER
The act of leaving a shit on the rib cage or chest of a woman while receiving penile pleasure.
CONSOLATION PRIZE
When you take a girl home from the bar, thinking you're going to get laid, and from all of the drinks you've been feeding her all night long, she passes out on the bed right before you get your pants off. To get revenge, you jerk off and spray your load all over her back. Even though you lost and didn't get laid, the satisfaction you got is almost as good, hence the term consolation prize.
CUM GUZZLING SPERM BURPING BITCH
The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the "Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping" effect. A great way to impress your friends.
DDF
Distance Distortion Factor - refers to someone who may seem attractive from far away but is ugly upon closer inspection, "good from far, far from good." Used in a sentence: "Whoa, she's hot...wait a second, ugggh major DDF!"
DAVEY CROCKETT
A sexual maneuver in which you slip a muscle relaxant into your gal's snizzpod, then slide your head in; thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap.
DIRTY SANCHEZ
The act of fingering a chick's corn hole and then wiping the deritus on her upper lip while banging her from behind, thus leaving a trail of shit moustached across her visage.
DOG IN A BATHTUB
This is the proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
DONKEY PUNCH
Banging a girl doggie style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
THE DOLPHIN
As your having sex doggy style, pull out and try and stick it in her ass, as she turns her head your hear, eah eah.
THE DOUBLE DIPPER
The "double dipper".....Stick your finger in one hole and use the same finger for the other hole. The trick is to go back and forth, but be careful, not a lot of people like double-dippers.
DOUBLE FISHHOOK
From the doggie style position, you hook your pinky fingers in her mouth and pull back to achieve deeper penetration.
DOUBLE WISHBONE
The play in which, while in seated 69 position, the man inserts both index fingers into the vagina and both middle fingers into the anus followed by aggressively pulling outwards with both arms. Spitting in anus, while optional, is encouraged for future maneuvers.
THE DUMP TRUCK
A derivation of the GLAZED DONUT, whereby the dump truck driver dumps his "load" all over the chick's back instead of her ass.
DUTCH OVEN
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).
E.T. PHONE HOME
Next time you've got some dumb-ass fuck puppet ready to go, grab her purse and excuse yourself to the can while the drunken whore waits; lost in her own tangled bush. Get her mother's (or husband's) phone number from her purse while making fake shit noises. Flush the toilet for effect. Then grab the cordless phone on the way back to bed. As soon as you find yourself stabbing her bucket with your johnny, dial the number and hold the phone near her head with the same hand you're pulling hair with and bang away. Make sure you mention her name and ask her things like, "Who's the biggest whore in the world?" and "You like fat cocks up your dirt road don't you?" Then throw the phone on the bed and tell it's for her. A nice topper to this maneuver is to take her money and throw her outside nude and lock the door. You might have your own closing. Have fun. Be creative.
FLAMING AMAZON
This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!
THE FLYING CAMEL
As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl; strictly a class move.
THE FOUNTAIN OF YOU
While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)
THE FUR BALL
You're chomping away at some mighty Zena who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat. You punch her.
GAME OF SMILES
This game involves men sitting around a circular table and a woman giving random blowjobs underneath the table. Anyone who "smiles" has to buy a round of beer for the rest.
GAYLORD PERRY
Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
GLAZED DONUT
The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spooing all over her "pastry buns," thus transforming her rump into the illusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.
GOOBIN
One of the many wives had by an old-style Mormon who is not the main wife. The setup usually involves having your one "main" wife and the rest of your other wives who are strictly used for procreation. Hence, "Goobin" - a bin for his goo. Used in a sentence: "Mary's one of John's goobins".
GREEK
The act of using your, "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. e.g. "Hey guys' check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the greek salad"
THE GUMMY BEAR
Easily performed on a sleeping grandmother. While the old bag is in a pharmaceutical haze with her teeth in a glass, straddle her wrinkled mug and jam your naughty boy down her throat (through her gums) blowing your jack down her withered esophagus. If she wakes up, just tell her she forgot to take her pills and you were helping her. A fun variation on this is to turn around just as she wakes up, put her dentures in your ass and start screaming at her like a wild talking asshole (which, of course, you are).
HIGH DIVE
The skill of pulling your johnson all the way out of your partner's hole, and in one motion jamming it home again. Best used in the CORN HOLE technique, but can be very dangerous.
THE HOUDINI
You are going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come. You then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have. When she turns around, a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed; wondering how you managed it.
KENNEBUNKPORT SURPRISE
The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunk-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partner's legs while chewing box.
THE KENTUCKY WHEELBARROW
Do her Doggy style and pull her arms back and give her a little push so her face hits the bed, hence the wheel barrow.
LEAVE-IN CONDITIONER
Dollops of semen strategically left in a woman's hairdo at a public gathering following fellatio. A good lesson for those who refuse to swallow the evidence
MATCHING DRAPES
Reference to whether or not a woman's pubic hair color matches the hair on her head. Used in a sentence: "Wow what a hot looking redhead, but I wonder; do the curtains match the drapes?"
MICHIGAN MANGLER
Flatten out your hand and violate a crevice hole. Your hand flat looks like the State of Michigan.
THE MOOSE
The sign given to a friend in hiding while in doggie style behind some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting, "Hey Rocky".
MORNING MIST
Take a shower don't wipe off your back and let the water role down your crack then fart in her face.
THE MUPPET
When you fist some chick and physically lift her off the ground.
THE NIXON
A variation of THE MOOSE, in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I am not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.
OVEN STUFFED ROASTER
The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.
PAYING THE RENT
A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.
PENCIL SHARPENER
A chick who gives a rough and toothy blowjob that scrapes your willie up something awful.
PEARL NECKLACE
Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl, it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
PINK GLOVE
Frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog; thus, the pink glove.
THE PIT STOP
You've spent all night boozing and courting a local slob. Now it's time to go back to her place. Wrap up the chit chat by jamming junior down her throat. When her lips are wrapped good and tight around your meat whistle, let loose with that piss that's been building for hours. Her look of horror would normally be enough reward, but as she evacuates, her coughing and your continual stream will mark all of your territory, leaving you with even greater satisfaction. You won't be able to stop; so if she chases you, make sure the pursuit leads you to every corner of her abode. She'll appreciate your lawn sprinkler imitation.
THE POO FINGER
Stick your finger up your butt and aim at any individual......used jokingly to scare your friends or as a defensive move against an attacker.
THE POPCORN TRICK
A perfect way to break the ice on a first date. A very popular first date is to take your new lady to the movies. Naturally, you will want to buy some popcorn. Try to get the large cardboard tub, but a bag will also work. Quietly cut a hole in the bottom, just big enough to slide one-eyed willie through the bottom. Being the gentleman you are, offer the honey some. Make sure she reaches to the bottom.
PURPLE MUSHROOM
Occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. Or you can smack your penis on her forehead. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
THE RAM
You're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
THE REAR ADMIRAL
An absolute blast; done while getting a chick from behind (with both partners standing). Be sure you don't let her grab onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
RUSTY TROMBONE
The process by which a chick is tossing your salad, and then reaches around and gives you a hand job, with your ass lips acting as the mouthpiece, and your johnson as the slide.
SAN DIEGO SURPRISE
The act of bringing a girl home; and while fucking her, having a friend in waiting enter the room naked in hopes of a consensual threesome. Named by Navy guys stationed in San Diego. Rumored to work about one third of the time.
SAMOAN PILE DRIVER
A sexual position that occurs when the woman's back and bed are perpendicular, but she is upside down. The practitioner of the PILE DRIVER stands above the woman and points his shit due south, simply bending his knees for repeated bludgeoning. This process is repeated while screaming, "ABDAY ABDAY ABDAY, HA!" Repeat and rinse.
THE SCREWNICORN
When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
THE SHOCKER
Putting your index and middle finger in her pussy and your pinky in her butt.
THE SNIPER
As you get the girl from behind, you stand up and set your scope on her bung hole. Sighting the brown gasket in your scope, you fire your finger up her ass. Known to cause the FISH EYE.
THE SOUTHERN TRESPASS
Most frequently occurs when an over zealous (drunk) man is involved in intercourse with his lady friend. Through lack of concentration, lack of coordination, or simply because he wants to do it, the man quickly switches from the woman's vagina to the corn hole, without missing a beat. If executed properly, this act catches the female by complete surprise, stunning her like a cattle prod to the ass in a rainstorm. No matter how long the man reaps the benefits of his efforts, he can now be content with the fact that he has committed the coveted Southern Trespass.
THE SNOWMOBILE
When plugging a girl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
THROWING A PICKLE DOWN A HALLWAY
An expression for when you've just laid the pipe to some chick (usually fat) who has a big loose box. Used in a sentence: "I may as well have just thrown a pickle down the hallway instead of fucking Fat Fanny's loose gash."
TIARA TACO
When your eating a girl out backwards and she orgasms, she loses all control and shits on your head.
TOPEKA DESTROYER
The act of vomiting directly onto your partner's head while receiving fellatio.
VEGETARIAN HOT LUNCH
A variation upon the aforementioned meal in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with animal product occurs.
THE WINDY CITY RUMBLER
Titty fuck her backwards so your ass is over her face....and let a wet one go.
But seriously.. There is some fucked up shit in this list also there is some really funny ones.
Enjoy.
Also there is more.
http://www.infohip.com/forwards/stories/dirtylist.htm
ANAL BOOT
You take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with his cock and then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or drinking game.
ANGRY DRAGON
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.
ARABIAN GOGGLES
A seldom-seen maneuver involving the testicles where the satchel is spread wide and placed on the face of the "ride", thus resting the balls in the gogglee's eye sockets.
AUSTRALIAN DEATH GRIP
The act of grabbing a woman by the haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity for wagering among friends.
BEER COCK
Occurs when your honey wants some lovin', buy you are extremely over served and cannot perform your manly duties. Used in a sentence: "I shouldn't have had that last beer. I think I'!"
THE BISMARK
Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to spew, pull out and shoot all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and jizz together.
BLOCKING THE BOX
You and your pal are double-teaming a chick. He's got her from behind; you've got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later.
THE BLUMPKIN
You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her suck you off while you're on the shitter.
THE BRONCO
Back to reality with this classic. When you fuck her doggie style, with a tit in each hand, and whisper in her ear: "Your sister likes it this way too.
CAJUN DIP STICK
Take your cock out of her pooper and mix it in the pool of dip spit in the small of her back and then insert.
CHRISTMAS TURKEY CARVER
The act of sitting carefully behind your prone partner, inserting three fingers in her vagina, one in her ass, and voraciously pluming your digits in and out, maintaining a perfect L-bend at the elbow, and using only your rotator cuff as a power pivot.
THE CIRCUS SEAL
Press the twins to one side of your sack and let them fall from the hole in your BVDs. This should produce a beach ball effect (painting your tool bag is optional). Proceed to straddle your date's face and pummel her nose with your bag of marbles. This works best when performed with a relative.
CLEVELAND STEAMER
The act of leaving a shit on the rib cage or chest of a woman while receiving penile pleasure.
CONSOLATION PRIZE
When you take a girl home from the bar, thinking you're going to get laid, and from all of the drinks you've been feeding her all night long, she passes out on the bed right before you get your pants off. To get revenge, you jerk off and spray your load all over her back. Even though you lost and didn't get laid, the satisfaction you got is almost as good, hence the term consolation prize.
CUM GUZZLING SPERM BURPING BITCH
The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the "Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping" effect. A great way to impress your friends.
DDF
Distance Distortion Factor - refers to someone who may seem attractive from far away but is ugly upon closer inspection, "good from far, far from good." Used in a sentence: "Whoa, she's hot...wait a second, ugggh major DDF!"
DAVEY CROCKETT
A sexual maneuver in which you slip a muscle relaxant into your gal's snizzpod, then slide your head in; thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap.
DIRTY SANCHEZ
The act of fingering a chick's corn hole and then wiping the deritus on her upper lip while banging her from behind, thus leaving a trail of shit moustached across her visage.
DOG IN A BATHTUB
This is the proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
DONKEY PUNCH
Banging a girl doggie style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
THE DOLPHIN
As your having sex doggy style, pull out and try and stick it in her ass, as she turns her head your hear, eah eah.
THE DOUBLE DIPPER
The "double dipper".....Stick your finger in one hole and use the same finger for the other hole. The trick is to go back and forth, but be careful, not a lot of people like double-dippers.
DOUBLE FISHHOOK
From the doggie style position, you hook your pinky fingers in her mouth and pull back to achieve deeper penetration.
DOUBLE WISHBONE
The play in which, while in seated 69 position, the man inserts both index fingers into the vagina and both middle fingers into the anus followed by aggressively pulling outwards with both arms. Spitting in anus, while optional, is encouraged for future maneuvers.
THE DUMP TRUCK
A derivation of the GLAZED DONUT, whereby the dump truck driver dumps his "load" all over the chick's back instead of her ass.
DUTCH OVEN
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).
E.T. PHONE HOME
Next time you've got some dumb-ass fuck puppet ready to go, grab her purse and excuse yourself to the can while the drunken whore waits; lost in her own tangled bush. Get her mother's (or husband's) phone number from her purse while making fake shit noises. Flush the toilet for effect. Then grab the cordless phone on the way back to bed. As soon as you find yourself stabbing her bucket with your johnny, dial the number and hold the phone near her head with the same hand you're pulling hair with and bang away. Make sure you mention her name and ask her things like, "Who's the biggest whore in the world?" and "You like fat cocks up your dirt road don't you?" Then throw the phone on the bed and tell it's for her. A nice topper to this maneuver is to take her money and throw her outside nude and lock the door. You might have your own closing. Have fun. Be creative.
FLAMING AMAZON
This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!
THE FLYING CAMEL
As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl; strictly a class move.
THE FOUNTAIN OF YOU
While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)
THE FUR BALL
You're chomping away at some mighty Zena who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat. You punch her.
GAME OF SMILES
This game involves men sitting around a circular table and a woman giving random blowjobs underneath the table. Anyone who "smiles" has to buy a round of beer for the rest.
GAYLORD PERRY
Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
GLAZED DONUT
The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spooing all over her "pastry buns," thus transforming her rump into the illusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.
GOOBIN
One of the many wives had by an old-style Mormon who is not the main wife. The setup usually involves having your one "main" wife and the rest of your other wives who are strictly used for procreation. Hence, "Goobin" - a bin for his goo. Used in a sentence: "Mary's one of John's goobins".
GREEK
The act of using your, "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. e.g. "Hey guys' check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the greek salad"
THE GUMMY BEAR
Easily performed on a sleeping grandmother. While the old bag is in a pharmaceutical haze with her teeth in a glass, straddle her wrinkled mug and jam your naughty boy down her throat (through her gums) blowing your jack down her withered esophagus. If she wakes up, just tell her she forgot to take her pills and you were helping her. A fun variation on this is to turn around just as she wakes up, put her dentures in your ass and start screaming at her like a wild talking asshole (which, of course, you are).
HIGH DIVE
The skill of pulling your johnson all the way out of your partner's hole, and in one motion jamming it home again. Best used in the CORN HOLE technique, but can be very dangerous.
THE HOUDINI
You are going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come. You then pull out and spit on her back so she thinks that you have. When she turns around, a blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed; wondering how you managed it.
KENNEBUNKPORT SURPRISE
The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunk-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partner's legs while chewing box.
THE KENTUCKY WHEELBARROW
Do her Doggy style and pull her arms back and give her a little push so her face hits the bed, hence the wheel barrow.
LEAVE-IN CONDITIONER
Dollops of semen strategically left in a woman's hairdo at a public gathering following fellatio. A good lesson for those who refuse to swallow the evidence
MATCHING DRAPES
Reference to whether or not a woman's pubic hair color matches the hair on her head. Used in a sentence: "Wow what a hot looking redhead, but I wonder; do the curtains match the drapes?"
MICHIGAN MANGLER
Flatten out your hand and violate a crevice hole. Your hand flat looks like the State of Michigan.
THE MOOSE
The sign given to a friend in hiding while in doggie style behind some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting, "Hey Rocky".
MORNING MIST
Take a shower don't wipe off your back and let the water role down your crack then fart in her face.
THE MUPPET
When you fist some chick and physically lift her off the ground.
THE NIXON
A variation of THE MOOSE, in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I am not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.
OVEN STUFFED ROASTER
The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.
PAYING THE RENT
A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.
PENCIL SHARPENER
A chick who gives a rough and toothy blowjob that scrapes your willie up something awful.
PEARL NECKLACE
Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl, it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
PINK GLOVE
Frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog; thus, the pink glove.
THE PIT STOP
You've spent all night boozing and courting a local slob. Now it's time to go back to her place. Wrap up the chit chat by jamming junior down her throat. When her lips are wrapped good and tight around your meat whistle, let loose with that piss that's been building for hours. Her look of horror would normally be enough reward, but as she evacuates, her coughing and your continual stream will mark all of your territory, leaving you with even greater satisfaction. You won't be able to stop; so if she chases you, make sure the pursuit leads you to every corner of her abode. She'll appreciate your lawn sprinkler imitation.
THE POO FINGER
Stick your finger up your butt and aim at any individual......used jokingly to scare your friends or as a defensive move against an attacker.
THE POPCORN TRICK
A perfect way to break the ice on a first date. A very popular first date is to take your new lady to the movies. Naturally, you will want to buy some popcorn. Try to get the large cardboard tub, but a bag will also work. Quietly cut a hole in the bottom, just big enough to slide one-eyed willie through the bottom. Being the gentleman you are, offer the honey some. Make sure she reaches to the bottom.
PURPLE MUSHROOM
Occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. Or you can smack your penis on her forehead. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
THE RAM
You're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
THE REAR ADMIRAL
An absolute blast; done while getting a chick from behind (with both partners standing). Be sure you don't let her grab onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
RUSTY TROMBONE
The process by which a chick is tossing your salad, and then reaches around and gives you a hand job, with your ass lips acting as the mouthpiece, and your johnson as the slide.
SAN DIEGO SURPRISE
The act of bringing a girl home; and while fucking her, having a friend in waiting enter the room naked in hopes of a consensual threesome. Named by Navy guys stationed in San Diego. Rumored to work about one third of the time.
SAMOAN PILE DRIVER
A sexual position that occurs when the woman's back and bed are perpendicular, but she is upside down. The practitioner of the PILE DRIVER stands above the woman and points his shit due south, simply bending his knees for repeated bludgeoning. This process is repeated while screaming, "ABDAY ABDAY ABDAY, HA!" Repeat and rinse.
THE SCREWNICORN
When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
THE SHOCKER
Putting your index and middle finger in her pussy and your pinky in her butt.
THE SNIPER
As you get the girl from behind, you stand up and set your scope on her bung hole. Sighting the brown gasket in your scope, you fire your finger up her ass. Known to cause the FISH EYE.
THE SOUTHERN TRESPASS
Most frequently occurs when an over zealous (drunk) man is involved in intercourse with his lady friend. Through lack of concentration, lack of coordination, or simply because he wants to do it, the man quickly switches from the woman's vagina to the corn hole, without missing a beat. If executed properly, this act catches the female by complete surprise, stunning her like a cattle prod to the ass in a rainstorm. No matter how long the man reaps the benefits of his efforts, he can now be content with the fact that he has committed the coveted Southern Trespass.
THE SNOWMOBILE
When plugging a girl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
THROWING A PICKLE DOWN A HALLWAY
An expression for when you've just laid the pipe to some chick (usually fat) who has a big loose box. Used in a sentence: "I may as well have just thrown a pickle down the hallway instead of fucking Fat Fanny's loose gash."
TIARA TACO
When your eating a girl out backwards and she orgasms, she loses all control and shits on your head.
TOPEKA DESTROYER
The act of vomiting directly onto your partner's head while receiving fellatio.
VEGETARIAN HOT LUNCH
A variation upon the aforementioned meal in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with animal product occurs.
THE WINDY CITY RUMBLER
Titty fuck her backwards so your ass is over her face....and let a wet one go.
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night.
I can see paradise by the dashboard light.
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night.
Paradise by the dashboard light.
I can see paradise by the dashboard light.
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night.
Paradise by the dashboard light.
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