[๖ۣۜFlorida]

I am doing an essay on that deserter that obama traded high ranking men for. here is the essay "not a real essay, just the basic points"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quick summary-
“Robert Bowdrie "Bowe" Bergdahl (born March 28, 1986) is a United States Army soldier who was held captive by the Taliban-aligned Haqqani network inAfghanistan from June 2009 until his release in May 2014”
“Bergdahl went missing on the night of June 30, 2009, near the town of Yahya Kheyl in Paktika Province.[22] Accounts of his capture differ. In a video, Bergdahl stated that he was captured when he fell behind on a patrol.[3] Taliban sources allege he was ambushed after becoming drunk off base; U.S. military sources deny that claim, stating, "The Taliban are known for lying and what they are claiming [is] not true"
Ok, first in late 2010, the Pentagon issued a report stating that Mr. Bergdahl had “walking off his base in eastern Afghanistan with three Afghan counterparts and was believed to have been taken prisoner". Ok, fine and dandy. There are also records of him emailing his parents showing low moral and even anti-war statements. So we know he was against the war before his capture. So he is captured, then he was held captive by the Taliban for 5 years. That’s the background. Now to the parts that make his story fishy.
1-there have rarely been kidnappings, by the Taliban, of US Soldiers, and when they are kidnapped, they are killed within a month. But Bergdahl is taken capture for 5 years. Ok, a little odd and completely out of character for the ruthless Taliban.
2-in a few videos released by the media branch of the Taliban, (which are confirmed to have Bergdahl in them), he states “his humane treatment by his captors, contrasting this to the abuses suffered by insurgents in prisons. He finished by saying that the United States should not be involved in Afghanistan and that its presence there is akin to the Vietnam War.” So why do the Taliban not kill him or torture him ruthlessly, like every single other captive? Why does he state that he is anti-war, (if you say oh, they made him say it, above I speak about how he previously made anti-war statements to his parents, so this is not a new idea made up by the Taliban.
3-“ In August 2010, it was reported that a Taliban commander named Haji Nadeem said Bergdahl was helping to train the Taliban in bomb-making and infantry tactics.” We keep on seeing a new trend here, don’t we? The Taliban treat him nicely, and he helps them out (both never before done by the Taliban to capture Americans).
4-in the video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9UxHGOw7uw), it is proven that Bergdahl is fluent in Arabic.
Ok, so what have we learned? An Arabic-speaking, Anti-war deserter was “kidnapped” by the Taliban, but was not treated like a prisoner at all, even training some of the Taliban’s fighting force, he is then traded for 5 high ranking officials, and is brought home. But he is now being court martialed for deserting. Basicly, all the details add up to us giving away 5 officials back to the Taliban for a traitor, who is probably going to be in jail for 20+ years.
Sources –
http://www.whitehouse.gov
http://www.state.gov/
http://www.defense.gov/

[Leaf™]

Quick summary-
“Robert Bowdrie "Bowe" Bergdahl (born March 28, 1986) is a serving United States Army soldier who was held captive by the Taliban-aligned Haqqani network in Afghanistan from June 2009 until his release in May 2014”
“Bergdahl went missing on the night of June 30, 2009, near the town of Yahya Kheyl in Paktika Province.[22] Accounts of his capture differ. In a video, Bergdahl stated that he was captured when he fell behind on a patrol.[3] Taliban sources allege he was ambushed after becoming drunk off base; The U.S. military denied that claim, stating, "The Taliban are known for lying and what they are claiming [is] not true"
In late 2010, the Pentagon issued a report stating that Mr Bergdahl had “walking off his base in eastern Afghanistan with three Afghan counterparts and was believed to have been taken prisoner". There are records of Mr Bergdahl emailing his parents demonstrating low moral, and even anti-war sentiment through correspondence with his parents. So it is known that Mr Bergdahl was against the war before his eventual capture. So he was captured, then held captive by the Taliban for 5 years. That’s the background. Now to the evidence (circumstantial) that make his story unreliable.
1-there has rarely been kidnappings, by the Taliban, of US Soldiers. Usually when US soldiers are kidnapped, they are killed within a month. But Mr Bergdahl is kept as a captive for 5 years. This is out of character for the Taliban, and not generally heard of.
2-In videos released by the media branch of the Taliban, (which are confirmed to have Bergdahl in them), he states “his humane treatment by his captors, contrasting this to the abuses suffered by insurgents in prisons. He finished by saying that the United States should not be involved in Afghanistan and that its presence there is akin to the Vietnam War.” So why do the Taliban choose not to kill or torture him ruthlessly, like every single other captive? Why does Mr Bergdahl state that he is anti-war, (if you try to argue the case that the Taliban forced him to state it, above I refer to the evidence on his stance against war in correspondence with his parents)
3-“ In August 2010, it was reported that a Taliban commander named Haji Nadeem said Bergdahl was helping to train Taliban soldiers in bomb-making and infantry tactics.” There is an easily identifiable trend. The Taliban treated Bergdahl well, and Bergdahl helps the Taliban(both never done by the Taliban with captures US soldiers).
4-in the video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9UxHGOw7uw), it is proven that Bergdahl is fluent in Arabic.
The evidence outlined presents that Mr Bergdahl, An Arabic-speaking, Anti-war deserter was “kidnapped” by the Taliban, but was not treated like a typical US soldier prisoner at all. Mr Bergdahl was helping train some of the Taliban’s fighting force, he was also traded for 5 high ranking officials, and was brought home to the US. Mr Bergdahl is now being court martialed for deserting. All the evidence outlined demonstrates that the US gave away 5 high ranking Taliban officials for arguably a traitor, who is probably going to be in jail for 20+ years for deserting.
Sources –
http://www.whitehouse.gov
http://www.state.gov/
http://www.defense.gov/

Here is an updated copy for you, My advice is to try and keep it all in one tense (generally past tense for formal writing), and use more formal language to make your arguments more powerful in future.

Goodluck!

[420 Blaze It]

Speak formally. Too many rhetorical techniques.