Nov 14, 2016 01:51 PM
(This post was last modified: Nov 14, 2016 02:57 PM by exploit.c.)
Hey all,
Let me tell you a true story, everything you're about to read here, is 100% real and true.
First, for those who don't know me, my alias is exploit.c, I'm a developer, pentester, overall shitposter and troll. I'm currently doing Computer Science in the University of Toronto (Canada). I'm sure you're all familiar with things like depression, anxiety, insomnia, post tramatic stress disorder, bipolar, etc. unfortunately, I'm all too familiar with them, I have depression, severe anxiety, insomnia, PTSD, minor BPD, and minor OCD. I've been living with depression and anxiety over 5 years, and the insomnia, PTSD, minor BPD, minor OCD came in the past three years. Now, you're probably asking why am I sharing this and the story to follow? It's because I want to let you all know that no matter what life will be get better, even if you're stuck in the shittiest of situations. This post was inspired after talking to Bane.
I came into depression when I was young, when everyone started bullying me as a kid, I used to arrive at school, get beat up, and leave early, one time I was suspended in school as a kid for standing up for myself, it felt like they were frowning upon me for standing up for myself, like it was a crime to defend yourself when no one else would. I can't actually remember a single friend I've had in the past 10 years, with the except of two people I met this year. The bullying was a lot, and that slowly led in to me when I was only 15 cutting into my leg, I still have the scars on my leg that I have to look at every day that remind me of the struggles.
One day, when I was 17 I decided that was it, I was done with life, I was going to end my life. I knew exactly when, where I was going to do it, and how I was going to. That night I had a terrible nightmare of me doing it, and what would happen if I did, and I changed my mind, I wasn't going to take my life, which I realize now was the right thing to do -- not take my own life. These were the darkest years of my life, barely getting out of bed, every day wishing life would just cast it's spell so I wouldn't have to live in so much pain day in and out, the nightmare that was my head with all the nasty thoughts and memories, that come up like a movie screen stuck on repeat for what felt like forever. Everyone told me I should just kill myself, to die already, my life wasn't worth anything.
I truly thought it would never end, that it would just get worse and worse and that one day eventually it would be over, somehow it would be over, I wouldn't have to feel the pain that I lived in on a daily basis, but then life started getting a bit better, sure I was poor, barely had $5 to my name if I was lucky, and every day was the biggest struggle of my life, but slowly over time it started getting better. Till this day, I still have the worst depression, anxiety so bad that most days I'll stay in bed, and insomnia that taunts me for hours, every now and then I'll get flashbacks, and my mood can change on a flip of a dime, there is no consistency to how I feel every day.
Life got a lot better, when I met a new friend, the sweetest girl I've ever met, who I'm now lucky to say is my girlfriend and has been for over 3 months, she is the best person I've ever met, she has depression like me, she has BPD like me (however, not minor), she has anxiety like me, she has PTSD like me, but we're in a relationship, and we love each other. Two days ago, she tried to kill herself, she had a bit of a sadness that was really intense, and took some pills, she tried to end her own life, she texted me at 4:56 AM in the morning, "I'm scared help" "I'm scared" "wake up I'm scared please" and called the ambulance, she was admitted to hospital, stomach pumped, she's alright now, I have a photo of her on my phone, in the hospital bed, with the monitors hooked up to her, smiling because she's alive, it takes a ton to smile even though you're in so much pain.
And all I want to say with this long message is, life wasn't ever meant to be easy, it was meant to be worth it, hard times will come, but you'll get through it, and if you ever need to talk, hit me up, because I'll be your friend and help you out.
exploit.c
I can't ever write this out without crying my eyes out.
Let me tell you a true story, everything you're about to read here, is 100% real and true.
First, for those who don't know me, my alias is exploit.c, I'm a developer, pentester, overall shitposter and troll. I'm currently doing Computer Science in the University of Toronto (Canada). I'm sure you're all familiar with things like depression, anxiety, insomnia, post tramatic stress disorder, bipolar, etc. unfortunately, I'm all too familiar with them, I have depression, severe anxiety, insomnia, PTSD, minor BPD, and minor OCD. I've been living with depression and anxiety over 5 years, and the insomnia, PTSD, minor BPD, minor OCD came in the past three years. Now, you're probably asking why am I sharing this and the story to follow? It's because I want to let you all know that no matter what life will be get better, even if you're stuck in the shittiest of situations. This post was inspired after talking to Bane.
I came into depression when I was young, when everyone started bullying me as a kid, I used to arrive at school, get beat up, and leave early, one time I was suspended in school as a kid for standing up for myself, it felt like they were frowning upon me for standing up for myself, like it was a crime to defend yourself when no one else would. I can't actually remember a single friend I've had in the past 10 years, with the except of two people I met this year. The bullying was a lot, and that slowly led in to me when I was only 15 cutting into my leg, I still have the scars on my leg that I have to look at every day that remind me of the struggles.
One day, when I was 17 I decided that was it, I was done with life, I was going to end my life. I knew exactly when, where I was going to do it, and how I was going to. That night I had a terrible nightmare of me doing it, and what would happen if I did, and I changed my mind, I wasn't going to take my life, which I realize now was the right thing to do -- not take my own life. These were the darkest years of my life, barely getting out of bed, every day wishing life would just cast it's spell so I wouldn't have to live in so much pain day in and out, the nightmare that was my head with all the nasty thoughts and memories, that come up like a movie screen stuck on repeat for what felt like forever. Everyone told me I should just kill myself, to die already, my life wasn't worth anything.
I truly thought it would never end, that it would just get worse and worse and that one day eventually it would be over, somehow it would be over, I wouldn't have to feel the pain that I lived in on a daily basis, but then life started getting a bit better, sure I was poor, barely had $5 to my name if I was lucky, and every day was the biggest struggle of my life, but slowly over time it started getting better. Till this day, I still have the worst depression, anxiety so bad that most days I'll stay in bed, and insomnia that taunts me for hours, every now and then I'll get flashbacks, and my mood can change on a flip of a dime, there is no consistency to how I feel every day.
Life got a lot better, when I met a new friend, the sweetest girl I've ever met, who I'm now lucky to say is my girlfriend and has been for over 3 months, she is the best person I've ever met, she has depression like me, she has BPD like me (however, not minor), she has anxiety like me, she has PTSD like me, but we're in a relationship, and we love each other. Two days ago, she tried to kill herself, she had a bit of a sadness that was really intense, and took some pills, she tried to end her own life, she texted me at 4:56 AM in the morning, "I'm scared help" "I'm scared" "wake up I'm scared please" and called the ambulance, she was admitted to hospital, stomach pumped, she's alright now, I have a photo of her on my phone, in the hospital bed, with the monitors hooked up to her, smiling because she's alive, it takes a ton to smile even though you're in so much pain.
And all I want to say with this long message is, life wasn't ever meant to be easy, it was meant to be worth it, hard times will come, but you'll get through it, and if you ever need to talk, hit me up, because I'll be your friend and help you out.
exploit.c
I can't ever write this out without crying my eyes out.
Darkwin Wrote:I usually never say this but i am looking forward to seeing this member get his account closed.
