May 12, 2026 06:37 AM
(This post was last modified: May 12, 2026 07:19 AM by lupin123141.)
Hey everyone. I wanted to make this post.
I’m not writing this because I’m searching for answers — honestly, if I look back at my life and think logically, I already know most of them. I just want to share what’s been on my mind.
About half a year ago, I stopped talking to my best friend. He completely closed himself off from everyone. I tried to help him, but I think it was one of those situations he had to survive on his own. Some people will probably think I was a bad friend because I didn’t do more to save our friendship, but things happened the way they happened.
At that time, he had just broken up with his girlfriend after six years together. But this post isn’t really about that.
During that period of my life, I became interested in programming — specifically Python backend development. At first, it felt terrible. I was studying, but I wasn’t enjoying it at all. Then one day I finally got past the stage of confusion and started understanding the actual logic behind programming. And honestly, it felt like the whole world suddenly became colorful again.
I studied insanely hard. Maybe someone out there could’ve been more productive, but this post is about me and my experience. What shocked me the most was that I quit smoking in one single day. Literally. I was just walking and thought: “That’s it. I’m done with this.” And from that moment, I never touched it again.
Looking back now, I realize I actually felt alive during that time. I was happy to wake up. Life felt bright.
Then something happened, and I’ll be completely honest about it. Maybe some people will think I’m a terrible person after reading this, but I’d rather tell the truth.
For some reason, I started talking to the girl my friend had broken up with. Looking back, I think part of me was hurt because he disappeared from my life and shut me out. If I’m being honest, my goal at the time was to sleep with her.
Eventually, I ended up at her place. We were just sitting there and talking. But something felt different that day. For the first time, it felt like she was actually listening to me instead of trying to prove her own point all the time.
Nothing happened between us. At some point I realized that, fell asleep on the couch, and stayed there for the night.
The next morning, my friend came to her apartment because he wanted to make peace with her. He saw my sneakers near the door, turned around, and left immediately. He thought we slept together.
That was my intention at first, yes — but it never happened.
She told me I needed to go explain everything honestly. So I ran after him and told him exactly what happened.
That’s when I found out he was in a really bad place. He had started working with dangerous people, making decent money, and spending almost all of it on alcohol. He was drinking heavily.
After that, we slowly started talking again. I never wanted to work with him directly, but I helped him with internet security stuff because I knew a little more about it than he did.
Eventually, our friendship became stronger than before. We entered a completely new stage, mostly because we finally had a shared goal. We started building toward something together.
And this is where I’m leading with all of this.
Now we’ve gone separate ways again. We still have the same goal, but we see the path differently.
I’m moving to another country because I believe I need more opportunities and resources to grow the business. He says changing locations changes nothing. He told me I’m “not truly burning for it,” even though this goal is literally my entire life right now.
I sold almost everything I owned — expensive things too, my laptop, basically everything — just to stay afloat and keep moving forward. Maybe it wasn’t smart, but I still did it.
And honestly, I think there’s no such thing as something being 100% right or 100% wrong.
But here’s the main question.
When I was alone during the programming phase of my life, I truly felt alive. And when I reconnected with him, I also felt alive — but differently. It was like everything became foggy somehow.
So what should a person choose?
To fight for a huge goal, even if life feels blurry and heavy sometimes?
Or to live a simpler life and genuinely enjoy it?
One more important thing: before all of this, I was already “successful” in the usual sense. I had money, lived in a good place, had expensive things. I know what success feels like.
So now I keep asking myself:
What’s actually better?
A huge goal, but living in the fog?
Or a colorful, peaceful life — even if you stay an ordinary person working a normal job?
I’m not writing this because I’m searching for answers — honestly, if I look back at my life and think logically, I already know most of them. I just want to share what’s been on my mind.
About half a year ago, I stopped talking to my best friend. He completely closed himself off from everyone. I tried to help him, but I think it was one of those situations he had to survive on his own. Some people will probably think I was a bad friend because I didn’t do more to save our friendship, but things happened the way they happened.
At that time, he had just broken up with his girlfriend after six years together. But this post isn’t really about that.
During that period of my life, I became interested in programming — specifically Python backend development. At first, it felt terrible. I was studying, but I wasn’t enjoying it at all. Then one day I finally got past the stage of confusion and started understanding the actual logic behind programming. And honestly, it felt like the whole world suddenly became colorful again.
I studied insanely hard. Maybe someone out there could’ve been more productive, but this post is about me and my experience. What shocked me the most was that I quit smoking in one single day. Literally. I was just walking and thought: “That’s it. I’m done with this.” And from that moment, I never touched it again.
Looking back now, I realize I actually felt alive during that time. I was happy to wake up. Life felt bright.
Then something happened, and I’ll be completely honest about it. Maybe some people will think I’m a terrible person after reading this, but I’d rather tell the truth.
For some reason, I started talking to the girl my friend had broken up with. Looking back, I think part of me was hurt because he disappeared from my life and shut me out. If I’m being honest, my goal at the time was to sleep with her.
Eventually, I ended up at her place. We were just sitting there and talking. But something felt different that day. For the first time, it felt like she was actually listening to me instead of trying to prove her own point all the time.
Nothing happened between us. At some point I realized that, fell asleep on the couch, and stayed there for the night.
The next morning, my friend came to her apartment because he wanted to make peace with her. He saw my sneakers near the door, turned around, and left immediately. He thought we slept together.
That was my intention at first, yes — but it never happened.
She told me I needed to go explain everything honestly. So I ran after him and told him exactly what happened.
That’s when I found out he was in a really bad place. He had started working with dangerous people, making decent money, and spending almost all of it on alcohol. He was drinking heavily.
After that, we slowly started talking again. I never wanted to work with him directly, but I helped him with internet security stuff because I knew a little more about it than he did.
Eventually, our friendship became stronger than before. We entered a completely new stage, mostly because we finally had a shared goal. We started building toward something together.
And this is where I’m leading with all of this.
Now we’ve gone separate ways again. We still have the same goal, but we see the path differently.
I’m moving to another country because I believe I need more opportunities and resources to grow the business. He says changing locations changes nothing. He told me I’m “not truly burning for it,” even though this goal is literally my entire life right now.
I sold almost everything I owned — expensive things too, my laptop, basically everything — just to stay afloat and keep moving forward. Maybe it wasn’t smart, but I still did it.
And honestly, I think there’s no such thing as something being 100% right or 100% wrong.
But here’s the main question.
When I was alone during the programming phase of my life, I truly felt alive. And when I reconnected with him, I also felt alive — but differently. It was like everything became foggy somehow.
So what should a person choose?
To fight for a huge goal, even if life feels blurry and heavy sometimes?
Or to live a simpler life and genuinely enjoy it?
One more important thing: before all of this, I was already “successful” in the usual sense. I had money, lived in a good place, had expensive things. I know what success feels like.
So now I keep asking myself:
What’s actually better?
A huge goal, but living in the fog?
Or a colorful, peaceful life — even if you stay an ordinary person working a normal job?