[Roy Gary]

A lot of stuff went on in my life. A lot of bad decisions and things went out of my control. I don't have the knowledge or willpower to want to know how to deal with all of this madness. From physical and emotional issues to wanting financial independence so I can break free from this life.

Life is how you view it. I didn't have a good life so I view it as bad, however others had a bad life and choose to view it as good. That blows my mind. Why should I be grateful for OCD, anxiety, depression and dysphagia among other undiagnosed health issues? Why should I be grateful to be living a life where I'm controlled by my family and can't spend the money on things that would actually benefit us? (which I just received the life insurance money from my mother's passing, bless her and my dad's souls. I hope they reunited in heaven)

All this stuff is driving me to absolute madness without order and I feel like pulling the trigger on myself most of the time, but I'm too scared to actually do it. Trust me when I say I'm just waiting for a miracle to happen. My will power has been sucked away. I'm tired. I just want to rest and not wake up to this world. I don't even care if other people in the world have it worse. No one should be happy to settle for a way of living that evokes despair.

[DarkDev77]

It really does sound incredibly sad how you’re seeing your life right now. And yeah, I know—stuff like “things will get better” always sounds cheap when you hear it from the outside, especially when you’re really stuck in the mud.

But honestly, better times do come around. Sometimes it’s just tiny steps—and those are often the hardest ones to take. Pulling yourself out of despair and hopelessness can feel impossible, but it is possible. It’s tough, sometimes it takes ages, but every single step is worth it, even if you can’t believe that right now.

And honestly: you’re not alone in this, even if it feels like it. Hang in there—don’t give up completely, no matter how slow your progress seems.

If you ever want to talk, you can always email me. Just send me a DM and I’ll give you my address. I’m genuinely interested in how your story continues.

[diablospartan]

Well i get you my man as i am also in a bad situation like you and life only hits me all the time

But even life seems so depresing sometimes that i dont want to continue i remember that in this world are people sick with hiv and cancer and they are smiling

[Roy Gary]

It really does sound incredibly sad how you’re seeing your life right now. And yeah, I know—stuff like “things will get better” always sounds cheap when you hear it from the outside, especially when you’re really stuck in the mud.

But honestly, better times do come around. Sometimes it’s just tiny steps—and those are often the hardest ones to take. Pulling yourself out of despair and hopelessness can feel impossible, but it is possible. It’s tough, sometimes it takes ages, but every single step is worth it, even if you can’t believe that right now.

And honestly: you’re not alone in this, even if it feels like it. Hang in there—don’t give up completely, no matter how slow your progress seems.

If you ever want to talk, you can always email me. Just send me a DM and I’ll give you my address. I’m genuinely interested in how your story continues.

I will probably take you up on that offer in the future. I'm just trying to incorporate small things like going back to properly taking care of my hygiene. Neglected my teeth and overall body for years but I'm starting to at least brush my teeth every day.

I keep doing so many mental rituals with everyday activities but I try to be realistic with myself. I would rather do OCD with cleaning my teeth than to let my teeth completely rot. So far I'm noticing that my gums are becoming pink as a normal healthy humans gums should be, and I don't have a disgusting film of bacteria in my mouth anymore. Trying to be disciplined.

---

Well i get you my man as i am also in a bad situation like you and life only hits me all the time

But even life seems so depresing sometimes that i dont want to continue i remember that in this world are people sick with hiv and cancer and they are smiling

I get it too. Hope things turn out better for you. I wish I could help you and people in general but it's hard to even take care of myself right now. Consistency is key probably, but then again, life is far from linear after experiencing so much. Healing is reactive and dynamic. I found that being proactive helps a lot too, but sometimes, for example, there are things that stress you and resorting to an unusual method or activity that isn't normal to some people, can help remove the stress.

---

Well i get you my man as i am also in a bad situation like you and life only hits me all the time

But even life seems so depresing sometimes that i dont want to continue i remember that in this world are people sick with hiv and cancer and they are smiling

I get it too. Hope things turn out better for you. I wish I could help you and people in general but it's hard to even take care of myself right now. Consistency is key probably, but then again, life is far from linear after experiencing so much. Healing is reactive and dynamic. I found that being proactive helps a lot too, but sometimes, for example, there are things that stress you and resorting to an unusual method or activity that isn't normal to some people, can help remove the stress.