[Louis C.K.]

I need someone to read and revise my essay. Locate and fix any grammar errors.

[PARTYXO]

I need someone to read and revise my essay. Locate and fix any grammar errors.

PM if you still need some revision. Ill take a look it at! :)

[zomgjulie]

Same.

Also, what level is this at?

[Louis C.K.]

https://drive[WARNING POSSIBLY INFECTED]google.com/file/d/0B2mFMkXVFq2IbmFKVnFDLWdqaHc/view?usp=sharing

This is my essay written in 1 hr time limit. Please pin point any grammar mistakes and what to improve

[Fiery]

i'm gonna assume you're in the 10-11th grade?

[Oosjka]

I would but just by reading the first paragraph I know that will take a while

[SniperBMW]

My opinions.
First paragraph:
1. Title: Benefits of Talking to Strangers (capitalization)
2. The first sentence doesn't need a comma after stranger..
3. "The experiment conducted by...." A behavioral scientist OR behavioral scientists.
4. "resulted in positive effects" makes me uneasy for some reason. Maybe "has yielded positive results on an individual's well-being." Something to introduce what the positive effect is because the sentences afterwards explain those effects.
5. "uninterested" -> uninteresting
6. "not a single stranger turn down the approached" -> turned down the experimental group and ended up having a resourceful conversation.
7. I wouldn't include "From my viewpoint". You've already indicated that with "I agree". If this was an argumentative essay, you wouldn't include "from my viewpoint" and make your opinions absolute.

Paragraph 2:
8 "don't approach other stranger at the train" -> don't approach strangers in the train.
9. I don't know about using (felt like we are at "odd[...]). You can just use "," in place of those "( )".
10. I wouldn't use the word "we". You're implying the paper is about you and whoever is reading it. Use "people". Like: "People generally tend to tense up, feeling at odds as the article stated, when people have to approach a stranger."
11."thoughts of an uninterested conversation" -> thoughts of an uninteresting conversation
12. "thoughts keeps us away" -> thoughts keep usually keep people away
13. Put a period or ";" at the end of approaches. They're two full sentences. "[...] from unfamiliar approaches; people would rather have their "me times" than imminent embarrassment."

Paragraph 3:
14. The first sentence. -> The results, conducted by the behavioral scientist, disapproved our negative mindset. (ehh. I haven't read the article, so I don't know if you're using disapprove correctly)
15. "experimental group approach" -> experimental group approached (time shift)
16. "Liz notice her boyfriend Benjamin, have sudden[...]" -> Liz noticed her boyfriend Benjamin had sudden positive mood changes when he was brought upon[...]
17. Last sentence -> The result proclaims that strangers in public are friendlier than expected. They are similar to other people, at an attempt to make the best out of each other's day.

Paragraph 4:
18. Second sentence -> alleviates angst because people[...]
19. all the "we" -> people
20."social through human to human interaction" -> social through human interaction.
21.", and also this contagious[...]" -> As a result, this contagious[...]

Paragraph 5:
22. First sentence -> Personally, I've benefited from talking to strangers. (unless you're just adding the current sentence as filler)
23. Add "initially," to the beginning of the second sentence.
24. College Application and High School shouldn't be capitalized.
25. "process to get accepted" -> to get enrolled. (accepted is a yes or no decision. your story says you were having trouble figuring out the application process)
26. Put a period at the end of "go to the office and ask around". Start a new sentence by capitalizing "I have ask around"
27. "I have ask around" -> I have asked around and received major pieces of information that I couldn't figure out myself.
28. "contributing to the topic as much as they know" -> contributing as much information as they know. (unless you're adding this as filler)

Last paragraph:
29. First sentence -> From my experience, with the results of the experiment in the article, talking to strangers[...] (You forgot the s)
30. "everything from ourselves" -> "everything to ourselves"
31. "because people gets to share" -> because people would get to share"

I don't like using the word "we". Usually, this is about your observations and opinions. We imply that the situation applies to just you and the reader to interprets the word "we". One sentence I can see the word "we" work in is something like, "as humans, we usually tend to."

There are some time shifts to address.
I noticed some sentences were seemed like filler to stretch them out to the next page.

[Demoz]

The first sentence needs some work

New York Times should be italicized.

"describes" is not the correct word to use (doesn't flow at all)

the "whether... individuals" doesn't really flow either.

I'd change it to:

"experiment: Does talking to strangers on the subway benefit others?"


Sentences like, "The experiment conducted by behavioral scientist
resulted in positive effects," add nothing to the essay, as a whole.

[vladxploit]

review basic gramma, commas and puntuation.

[Wisest]

I rewrote and fixed your grammatical errors, should I post them here or send it via a private message?