[Eran]

It was my second ever, my first being about 15 years ago when I was just a child, half the city was at the funeral since it was a triple murder, I didn't even know the victims.

This time it was my ex-coworker's dad. My friend was only 21 and his brother is 18, and the dad was 53 years old. He had a heart attack a month ago and ever since he was in the hospital. He literally died in the hands of my friend. I'm genuinely worried about him, since him and his dad were VERY close. I was always making jokes since he was the typical ''daddy's son'' and his dad provided him with everything, an expensive car, an easy job, fancy stuff etc. But they weren't malicious at all, they were good people.

Seeing them cry and their grandmother (the mom of the dad) pass out was heart-breaking. A brutal slap in the face since I was stressing over stupid things at the time of hearing about the death.

I'm really worried about my friend. I'm not sure how will he handle the future without his dad. He has his brother, girlfriend, mom and all that but him and his dad were inseparable. I'm trying to comfort him with messages but I'm also trying not to be too invasive. They were building a business together, mainly the dad but he was really motivated and helped with smaller stuff, so I told him that his dad wouldn't want him to crumble now and go down a dark road, that he should continue where his dad stopped and make him proud. Any other tips?

Rant over. 😕

[╚{ RadioActive Hack }╝]

The best thing you can do is encourage him to express his emotions, not necessarily with you, but however and wherever he feels comfortable. In our society specifically with men, there is a lot of pressure to contain our self and hold it in. There is instilled fear in allowing ourself to just embrace our emotions. In general this can be unhealthy, but specifically in times like this where there can be so much emotion built up, it honestly just help so much to express your feelings and emotions. Even though it sucks in the moment and can be painful to let it all out it’s good to just live in the current state of what you are feeling. In the long term it helps so much with the healing process.

It’s hard to even know sometimes what to say to people dealing with grief. I generally just tell them, it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to feel whatever it is you are feeling right now. It’s normal and even though it sucks, it’s just ok.

Everyone is different and responds to these things in their own way. Just talking can be really helpful as well, some people will be resistant at first, but open up a bit eventually start talking. It doesn’t even matter what you’re talking about, the conversation will flow where it needs to. It’s important not to push them into talking, as some people just do not want to or you’re just not the right person at the moment that they need to talk too. Grief is different for everyone.

Time heals all wounds. He might not be ok for while, but eventually most people come out of it. You just have to try and be there for him when, and if he needs you.

[Eran]

The best thing you can do is encourage him to express his emotions, not necessarily with you, but however and wherever he feels comfortable. In our society specifically with men, there is a lot of pressure to contain our self and hold it in. There is instilled fear in allowing ourself to just embrace our emotions. In general this can be unhealthy, but specifically in times like this where there can be so much emotion built up, it honestly just help so much to express your feelings and emotions. Even though it sucks in the moment and can be painful to let it all out it’s good to just live in the current state of what you are feeling. In the long term it helps so much with the healing process.

It’s hard to even know sometimes what to say to people dealing with grief. I generally just tell them, it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to feel whatever it is you are feeling right now. It’s normal and even though it sucks, it’s just ok.

Everyone is different and responds to these things in their own way. Just talking can be really helpful as well, some people will be resistant at first, but open up a bit eventually start talking. It doesn’t even matter what you’re talking about, the conversation will flow where it needs to. It’s important not to push them into talking, as some people just do not want to or you’re just not the right person at the moment that they need to talk too. Grief is different for everyone.

Time heals all wounds. He might not be ok for while, but eventually most people come out of it. You just have to try and be there for him when, and if he needs you.

That's literally what I told him in my first message. Not to hide his emotions, not to suppress and hold back his tears. I told him to try and cry it all and let it all out, since the more he holds back the higher the chance he just blows up at one point, pushes other people away, starts drinking/doing drugs etc. I agree with what you said about men and pressure, that's why I made sure to let him know it's okay to let his emotions out.

[Eran]

It doesn’t get easier, you just learn to deal with it differently, he might just not want to speak about it to get his mind off it for a minute. I’ve dealt with countless losses attended over 30 funerals, the only thing that’s promised in life is death itself. Living to die, dying to live. Some people don’t like to talk about things and that’s okay not everyone has to just be by his side if he ever wants to or needs to talk to someone but don’t press him to talk or cry or whatever.

Agree with you on the first part. I wasn't in any way pushing him to cry or talk, just told him it's okay and it's not a shame to express his emotions. So far I just let him know that I'm there if he ever needs to hangout, and we shared a few messages after the funeral. I understand he probably has a ton of support now and I won't push to talk with him. I might just check on him in a week or two to see how he's dealing with things.

[Eran]

Buddies phone probably blowing up with messages from everyone he knows talkin bout I’m so sorry for your loss, if anything I can do please reach out. It’s good you’re there for him I’m sure he appreciates that and probably appreciates the moment to grieve himself.

Yeah he told me that he was not expecting that many people at the funeral. It started at 9:30 am, I was there at 9:20 and could not get near. It was very crowded and only 10 minutes after the burial I could reach out to him to give him a hug. As our friend group planned to stay at least for 10 minutes with him there but it was impossible since it was so crowded, we parted ways. I went to grab coffee and came back but no one was there anymore.

[Eran]

That’s one thing about death, most people aren’t there for you when you’re here but once you’re gone seems like everyone +more are right there.

Literally had that conversation after the funeral with one of my friends. That's just how it is though, everyone is busy with their stuff not really saving any time for hanging out with people you care for, and then regret it once there's a death. Definitely made me think a lot.

[MahathirMohamad]

life of cycle, we all have to deal with parents loss, best is to try to keep mind of it, even though it can be difficult at times.

[Eran]

life of cycle, we all have to deal with parents loss, best is to try to keep mind of it, even though it can be difficult at times.

What broke me even more is the fact that my friend's grandmother, the dad's mother, had the bury her own child.

[MahathirMohamad]

What broke me even more is the fact that my friend's grandmother, the dad's mother, had the bury her own child.

well thats rougher yes i have to agree.

[Yin Yang]

Sorry to hear about your friend’s father passing. It doesn’t get easier at first. Only time can heal things. Best way is to get that initial closure and to continue to do things that honors his memory

[B3A]

everyone has to deal with something related once.
Be there for your people in hard times and thats all.
No petty.

[Eran]

Sorry to hear about your friend’s father passing. It doesn’t get easier at first. Only time can heal things. Best way is to get that initial closure and to continue to do things that honors his memory

I've encouraged him to continue where his dad stopped and make him proud. I don't know his younger brother but he posted that he'll keep on making him proud since he's a junior goalkeeper with a bright future.

everyone has to deal with something related once.
Be there for your people in hard times and thats all.
No petty.

Of course. It's just sad when it happens too early and all of a sudden. Thanks for your response.

[B3A]

I've encouraged him to continue where his dad stopped and make him proud. I don't know his younger brother but he posted that he'll keep on making him proud since he's a junior goalkeeper with a bright future.


Of course. It's just sad when it happens too early and all of a sudden. Thanks for your response.

Ah, i concluded that "all of a sudden" is not a real term in life...

[padrino]

That's heartbreaking mate. I come from a big family on both my parents side with lots of aunties, uncles etc. so funerals are pretty common for me. What I would say is just make sure they know that you're there for them. Check-in every now and then, make sure they know they can talk to you if they need it. Might also be worth just pushing to hang out with them, visit them, message them - not about their loss just because you're friends - makes the world of difference.

Also, make sure you look after yourself. It can be hard seeing someone go through something like that, and you can give yourself issues if you don't let yourself decompress sometime.

So yeah - the obvious stuff but it's important. My condolences for yours and your friends loss.

[B3A]

That's heartbreaking mate. I come from a big family on both my parents side with lots of aunties, uncles etc. so funerals are pretty common for me. What I would say is just make sure they know that you're there for them. Check-in every now and then, make sure they know they can talk to you if they need it. Might also be worth just pushing to hang out with them, visit them, message them - not about their loss just because you're friends - makes the world of difference.

Also, make sure you look after yourself. It can be hard seeing someone go through something like that, and you can give yourself issues if you don't let yourself decompress sometime.

So yeah - the obvious stuff but it's important. My condolences for yours and your friends loss.

Can relate and say that hits different depending the bloodtype'